Thoughts from the Messy Middle
Authenticity, nuance, and curiosity matter more than perfection. This is a space where I explore the intersection of clinical theory and the lived experience of being human and therapist. Encouraging folks to move away from being an "expert" as a path to deeper connection with themselves and others.
Staying Confused on Substack
Writing is an iterative process and has become creative outlet I’ve found to be incredibly grounding. When I’m not working on my book, Stay Confused, I use Substack to explore new ideas. These are musings I’m looking to flesh out, stories that didn't make it into the final manuscript, and reflections from my perspective as a therapist. I want this to be a community space, where we can connect and you can share real-time feedback on the beautiful uncertainty of life.
Musing on uncertainty, relationships, and life's quirks - delivered weekly
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Stay Confused: Redefining Your Relationship to Uncertainty
We are often drawn to this work by a desire to provide clarity and "fix" what is broken. But the heart of transformative therapy lies in the "messy middle"—the space filled with ambiguity and the unknown. Stay Confused challenges the myth that certainty equals competence, inviting therapists to trade the performance of expertise for the power of curiosity and courage.
Blending systemic research with deeply personal reflection, this book features interviews with the modern and legacy icons of our field, including Pauline Boss, Bill Doherty, Vienna Pharaon, Shadeen Francis, Sabrina N’Diaye, and Jean McLendon. Together, we explore how these leaders stopped fighting the unknown and instead developed a deeper, more generative relationship with uncertainty. Their stories reveal that risk, discomfort, and even failure are not obstacles to be overcome, but essential companions in the lifelong process of becoming a grounded therapist.
Stay Confused is a call to action for clinicians to make peace with the unknown—not as an obstacle to be overcome, but as an essential companion in becoming a truly effective and authentic therapist.
Subscribe to my newsletter for exclusive updates on the book’s release and receive a free guide with reflection questions on navigating uncertainty, growth, and self-doubt in your work and life.
“Whitaker always said, ‘We are temporary. Our job is to connect clients with someone who will be in their life after therapy is done.’”
“Instead of asking myself whether they’re getting better, I ask myself, ‘Was I being a therapist?’”
Featured: Psychotherapy Networker
Perspectives on therapist development and building a clinical sense of self
This piece shares my conversations with industry icons Bill Doherty and Sabrina N’Diaye. We explore a radical idea: that true clinical confidence isn't about mastering every technique, but a way of orienting yourself around the inherent uncertainty of our work.
The Big Takeaway:
Presence over Performance: Confidence emerges when we stop asking "Are they getting better?" and start focusing on "Was I being a therapist?"
Connect to Value: We’re not the right therapist for everyone, and we don’t have to be. We need to be ourselves, and we’ll serve the people who are a good fit for us, versus trying to be the therapist we think we “should” be.
Becoming a Confident Therapist - What Two Seasoned Experts Taught Me About Finding My Clinical Self
The "In-Between" Insight: For many therapists, "not knowing" feels like a failure. This article explores how our desperate search for certainty can actually block the therapeutic process through interviews with legends Pauline Boss and Jean McLendon
The Big Takeaway:
The Expert Trap: When we perform the role of "the one with all the answers," we miss the relational depth that only comes through curiosity.
Discomfort as Growth: Staying in the "messy middle" allows for a more authentic and effective therapy experience.
Escaping the Certainty Trap - How to Value Confusion as a Therapist
Practical Guides for Couples & Growth
While I often write for fellow clinicians, these guides are designed for the everyday complexities of modern relationships. They offer direct, relatable advice for couples navigating real-world relationship hurdles.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Going to Couples Therapy
The Insight: Bringing up therapy doesn't have to be a "confrontation." This guide helps you shift the conversation from "fixing" your partner to inviting them into a collaborative process of growth.
Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help With My Relationship?
The Insight: We often wait until a crisis to reach out, but the resistance to asking for help is usually rooted in the myths we believe about "perfect" marriages. I unpack the barriers to vulnerability and how to overcome them.